Ginger is always sincere...

This song has been stuck in my head for minutes upon minutes upon days....




...which of course means that I have been thinking about the circus...Do you not have a "circus story"? For I am sure that everyone has a "circus story".

If you do not have a circus story, my only conclusion can be that you have never been to the circus.

Which means that you are only about 97.6% human or American. I haven't figured that out yet.

Either way my circus story is short, and rather stupid. I was 17...or 18. Honestly I smoked a lot of pot and really couldn't tell you date for date what went on between 97 and 99, but it was hella fun right?

My sister was turning 11 or 13 and my mom had told her and her tweener friends they could go to the circus. Not realizing that this meant living in hell for 3 hours she crafted up a devilish scheme...

"Dearest Disaster, my most wonderful child, most beautiful and oldest daughter....would you please take your younger sister and her friends to the circus. It would be the best birthday present a sister could give AND (the wicked AND) I will pay for you AND a friend."

...who could resist free circus tickets...I mean really?

My cool little hippie friend, me and three tweeners bopped on down to Barnum and Baily's...or was it Shriners ?
Do you know what listening to three almost teenagers sounds like during a circus? Like maybe banshees and wolverines plus...what animal chatters? Because there was some chattering to be had fo' sho. We made sure to keep them on a constant sugar high of cotton candy and ice cream. I also managed to spend almost all of my Target paycheck (I'm sure I can delve into that suck hole another time) on plastic jewelry and other assorted carny crap.

...and that was the day I became the best sister ever. *insert live angel chorus*
Op! This was a circus story not a story of heroism...I beg your pardon...

Directly after the circus I managed to hobble on my peg legs to my boyfriends house where I chugged a beer in 30 seconds, then preceeded to puke it up 45 seconds later.

For entertainment after the 2 min drunk/puke/hangover we put the clown nose on the blind cock-a-poo and shoved it in the couch crack upside down, because that's entertainment right there!

...and now, that is my circus story.

"I think it's perfectly clear we're in the wrong baaaaaaaand. Ginger is always sincere, just not to one maaaaaaaannnnnnn."

Chopped.

Would you like to hear the story of my christmas purse?


You don't?


pffffffft.


My blog. 


My story.


My flippity flip purse.


With a broken zipper.


Imagine Christmas morning. Oh the wonderment and joy.


My fashionable mother bought be a magnificent purse!


A very expensive magnificent purse! 


Exclamation point!


I fell madly in love with it. Oh, how I loved you purse.


Loved.


Until the zipper broke.


WTF. Expensive purse and the zipper broke.


Two months into usage? Please, for shame.


My fashionable mother remarked, "UGH! We are SOOOO taking that back!"


So, we made a soggy trip to the mall. It was raining. Like a monsoon.


Guess what? 


They took my purse back....and replaced it.....and because it was on sale, gave me the refund!


So... 


I went to the salon...
...and....


chopped off 9 inches of very long hair!


(I mean after all I really wasn't expecting that money!)


My head feels a lot lighter.


Thank you broken purse...for the second Christmas.


The end.

Quitter.

Well I made it a full week without smoking...
and then I went f r e a k i n g crazy.


I bought a pack.


I smoked it.


and I enjoyed every flippin' drag.


STOP!


This does NOT mean that I am quitting being a quitter. 


It merely means I relapsed.


...at this point I am trying to cut down. When I say cut down...I mean drastically...like a pack a week...and hopefully none at all.


I was doing great until tonight! What is with Friday anyways. Friday! Hang your head in devilish shame.


On a more positive note...I've started drinking green tea. Will this put me in the same group of people that order diet cokes with their big macs?


What is Agave Nectar anyways? I hear it is concentrated high fructose corn syrup.


Did you know that high fructose corn syrup tricks your body into thinking that it needs to store fat for the winter? True story...so I heard.


Stupid high fructose corn syrup! I shake my fist towards the heavens at you! How you mock me with your deliciousness! I have enough fat for the winter and ten winters from now. WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME!?!


It's 2 in the am. I feel I maybe irrationally rambling. It's in my genes...jeans? ha.

Day of 3.

Back to the NON-smoking business. It has now been 36 hours...or a tad less. 

I think the back stabbing moment of my life in the last three days was when I had a friend stop by work and 

ask me if I would like to smoke...(unsuspecting of my resolution) and after bravely declining finding a 1/2 pack in my coat pocket. 

Well HOLY SMOKES how did that get there?!

The other knifer was when my husband (who is also trying to quit - yet had ONE cigarette today-I'm not judging but I'm feeling slightly cheated-is all I'm saying) asked where some random butt came from..(how funny does that sound?!?)

My thoughts: If you honestly think that I smoked today, what is the point of not smoking now?

Okay, really? 

LADY. GET. A. GRIP.

24 hours.

I have managed to make it 24 hours (PLUS) without smoking.

This is a magnificent feat.

I have to admit the first 23 hours were easy peasey.

That last hour.

It was KILLERRRRRRR.

Now to make it to 48 hours.

(and did you know that nicotine is as addictive as heroin?)

Think about that the next time you possibly try lecturing a smoker on quitting.

We never ask you to quit eating fast food. Or Starbucks, or whatever bad habits you've

accrued over your lifetime. Could you give those up? How hard would it be?

The year of 9.

I think I figured out that in numerology, 2011 will be a 9 year for me. Which means the end of a lot of things, and the promises of new things. (from what I gather).

Let's hope it will be the end of my uber expensive smoking habit and a newly OWNED house. Meaning not rented...meaning I can paint rooms or have pink plastic flamingos in my yard if I wanted. Maybe a whole zoo of them. So other neighbors secretly despise me?

I really love smoking. I know, I KNOW! It's bad for you, it stinks, it's expensive, it effects others around you. Eating a big Mac isn't healthy for you either, but according to McDonalds more milk and apples are ate there than anywhere else...or did I misunderstand that commercial? Either way, sad.

I will really miss the nicotine. Actually I think I will miss the "breaks" I associate with smoking. It's my excuse for quiet time. To get away from everyone else. To have an intimate conversation with my husband.

I know that doesn't mean I can't do those things anymore, but if I want to quit I can't do them for a while.

Whew. Either way. Good luck to you if you are able to maintain your resolutions...and if you don't, well don't feel too bad...I'm pretty sure 99% of the population doesn't either.

Oh, and who the heck is Patience anyways!?

Do you want to know that Patience does not make a very good impression on me!?! Patience is like a ghost child playing hide n' seek in the backyard of my brain! Patience laughs at me and taunts me and is truly a very unruly thing...


Is it so wrong to think that maybe it is my own time to shine. My life's time. Have I not waited with Patience for the many wonders of those things that come to those that wait?


My inner child has been with Patience...waiting, contenting to window shop her dreams in vivid imagery. Directing her hopes like the most Oscar Winning director can direct. All the nooks and crannies cleaned, polished, organized, done and redone to perfection.


and Patience laughs and says, "Silly girl! but what do you want that you don't have already?"


And I will match that laugh with cyanide and say, "Well Patience, since I'm feeling like a five year old...I would like a house! As if that wasn't obvious!"


...and then I go back to window shopping.